Adjustment without Improvement

I have less than one year before my 35th birthday. I have promised myself that when I turn 35 I will be in the best shape of my life. This week I've given the phrase "the best shape of my life" a second thought.

There was time when I thought being in shape meant being able to fit into any size 4 on the rack. I quickly learned that, for me, that was really called being anorexic. Then, I decided that being in shape meant maintaining a size 6, and throwing up my french fries and double cheeseburger and shake if I happened to slip up to an 8. That was really called being bulimic, despite the benefits of gaining amazing control of my gag reflex. Being in shape was about a number: my weight, my jeans size, how many miles I could run in a week, how many times I could run the stairs in the stadium, how many laps I swam. I was/am no athlete. I was what Debbie calls skinny fat. I was a petite woman who ate like my heart was my worst enemy and I was duty bound to kill it with fast food, sugary sweets and the absence of all things that grow from the ground, except for when I'd go through one of my health nut cycles.

Over the years I have had periods of extreme conscientiousness about what I eat. Like most things with me, my enthusiasm about eating better has ebbed and flowed. I'm about to turn 35. I'm out of wiggle room. The choices I make about what I do to my body now will make or break how I grow old. I prefer to do so gracefully without preventable diseases. I have to make changes now.

I started reading Toni Morrison's, The Bluest Eye, this week. I was only a few pages in when I came upon this sentence.

I learned much later to worship her, just as I learned to delight in cleanliness, knowing, even as I learned, that the change was adjustment without improvement.

The context of that statement isn't as important as the italicized phrase. Those six words hit me like a ton of bricks. It struck me as antithetical to all I hope to be accomplishing along this journey of personal growth. I've made changes in my life. Many, many changes at many different times. I am smack in the middle of one of the most significant seasons of change I've ever experienced, even more significant than the time period that birthed this blog. I don't want to look back at this time as a period of adjustment without improvement. I want to be better. I want to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister, cousin, niece, aunt and granddaughter. I want to be a better employee, a better citizen, a better companion, student, coworker. I want to be a better stranger. I want to be a better me. Different is not good enough. I want to be better.

When it comes to living a healthy lifestyle, I've made adjustments many times. I will make many more. But I've begun to make improvements. It's time for me to start eating like an adult. I have a great independent organic market less than 2 miles from my house. I have no excuses. I walked up and down the aisles this evening amazed by how many choices their are for eating well. I've decided that my grocery list will be comprised of items from two lists. The SuperFoods list is the priority. The World's Healthiest Foods list will round out the rest. Now, since I'm about improvement and not just adjustment here, I've tried it out for over a week. I haven't starved to death. I've eaten foods I love. I've eaten often (seems like all day long) to boost my metabolism. I've felt better than I have in a long time. I've dropped 5 pounds, just like that. And I haven't worked out once. Yet. I even went to Happy Hour last night and ordered an avocado and tomato salad and quinoa tabbouleh (and 2 blood orange margaritas). I never missed a chip or buffalo wing. It was lovely, I tell you.

I was in Whole Foods with Katrice last week and, as you may have read on her blog (which I won't link because there are nut cases among us), and we ran into Dick Gregory. I was doing my first big shopping spree from the Super Foods list, and I took this as a prophetic endorsement that I am somehow on the right track (why? because I'm corny like that!) I was tickled to see him, and while I am not going raw foodist (yet), he still inspired me to do better than I've been doing.

I'll probably continue the discussion of how this whole change is going on Fine Tuning, my pathetic chronicle of my weight loss efforts. But it was important enough today, for me to mention it here. I'm done adjusting for the sake of adjusting. It's time to get better, healthier.

Today when I think of being in shape I think of the whole person. Not just what I eat or if I work out. There's so much more to fitness. The mind, body and spirit are connected and interdependent. And as much as I've chosen to rid my body of unnecessary hormones, preservatives and toxins, I'm diligently plugging away at those things that clutter and preoccupy my mind and weigh upon my spirit. You'll hear about more of it here. Even if it gets political and politically incorrect.

Stay tuned.

Wanna Hang Out?

You guys are cool! Jali's latest post has me thinking about how many interesting folks I've met since I've been blogging. Some of you blog as yourselves, others as a persona, but either way, I feel like I've gotten to know you other bloggers a little more post by post. I talk about you all the time. If you've written something that I think is interesting, it may come up in conversation in my real life. I feel like this forum has stretched me and put me in contact with people I wouldn't normally associate with, for whatever reason. That is amazing and invaluable to me. It's been a fascinating voyage through the market place of ideas. I've discovered tremendous diversity among those of you on my blogroll and those of you who comment here. I'm glad I "know" each of you.

With all the mushy stuff said, who's down for a Blogger Meet-Up? I would love to meet some of you guys who don't mind blowing your anonymity and hanging out with some other people with way too much time on their hands. What do you say? If you're interested, I'll organize it. Just email me at lex dot blogger at gmail dot com. I'm in the DC area, but that doesn't mean the Meet-up has to be here. I'll travel. Maybe we can find some cool spot central to the responders. Let me tell you now, if you've never commented here before, I don't know you. I will ignore your email, so don't bother. This isn't an invitation for crazy stalker shit. Got it?

Let's hang out and have drinks or something.

Holla!

Birthday Present

Here's my one and only birthday present. Parents ROCK!!



I'm so excited. It will take a whole year for me to learn all the features.

I'm SO Going Back!!

Hello there!! I am back and fully detoxed. Yeah. That was fun. You know, I never understood why folks chose to get wasted to the point of suffering the next day. I still don't, except that it's funny to read what you wrote the next day. My body is starting to love me again. I've been all organic and water and fresh produce to her for the last 2 days. I owe her. Big time.

Puerto Rico was great!! There was perpetual salsa in the air. There was so much sabor in everything: the way people walked, the cadence of their speech, the music (of course) and the food. I am completely enamored of Borinquen. There were brown people everywhere. Beautiful brown people. Thick brown people. I felt so at home not to be among folks who are afraid to eat. There was lots of enjoying of life going on on that little island paradise and I am so going back. I don't know why I'm so drawn to Latin America, but it's in my soul somehow. I felt so at home. Many of the sentiments were similar to my feelings in Argentina (though, not too many brown people there -- story soon to follow). I loved every moment I was there, even when I was working like a slave on my birthday and sh*tting my brains out 2 days later. (TMI? Meh, too late.)

The food was awesome. My first stab at mofongo was horrid, but I quickly learned that it was because I chose the first restaurant poorly. The rice and peas were off the CHAIN!! Yum, yum all the way around. I don't think I ever had room for dessert. I can't think of one sweet thing I ate...except for my birthday cake, which was delectable. And the fruit, dear God. I'll show pics later. (I'm sorry. I'm just lazy right now.)

The best part was the inter-generational social circle: the dance floor. I was so amazed to see 18 year olds and 65 year olds dancing salsa side by side. Each night there was a different salsa band at the hotel. The locals come to the hotels to dance, especially towards the end of the week and the weekend. Salsa crosses generational lines like nothing I've ever seen. Sure there was a viejo verde or two, but for the most part, it was just a love for the music. Everyone felt it. Everyone dances it. Everyone. I was in heaven.

I'm back to the real world now and longing to go back. I have a call in to a travel agent to schedule a group trip back there for the end of November. It would be so much fun with the folks I love. I hope we get a good group to go. Email me if you're interested. I think there's an email addy for me in the profile. If not make it all public in the comments.

I'm making lentils and sausage (chicken sausage) for dinner and I'm starving. I hope it's done, because I am certainly ready to eat.

Have a good night all and, if you haven't eaten yet, buen provecho!

Chau.

It´s my party and I´ll ....

June 6th was the floor. No. June 6th was my birthday. It sucked monkey butt. I worked until 12:40 am, so it wasn't even my birthday anymore. But no matter. Bacardi 151 is the Shit. I'm sorry. disclaimer. don't let your kids read this. I might say bad things. Bacardi 151 has that effect.

I'm in Puerto Rico. My cousin came with me. She keeps buying me drinks for my 2 day old birthday that I can't resist. She keeps saying "Pito Mojado" as her demonstration of her Spanish. She means "Piso Mojado" which means wet floor. But she keeps saying wet dick. I am laughing my ass off every time the men try to correct her and you know what that means. yes. I've peed on myself. twice. I'ts ok though. the laundry is across the hall.

Did I mention Bacardi 151? I didn't know what the number meant. It means....the BOMB!!!

I am sofaKing drunk and so is my cousin. she's taking pictures of herself with her camera on an ipod. no. a tripod. She knows how to say dios mio and hace calor. She wants to know how to say I want to give you a ...wet dick. She's so drunk.

OMG. you should have seen these folks descend upon the food we served at this conference today. I have never seen anything like it in my life. folks took 2 bags of M&M's and Skittles and Hagen Daaz like it was contraband. They smuggled that shit like they were starving. I've never seen anything like it in my life ... and never laughed so hard in a professional setting. It was hilarious.

I lvoe Puerto Rico. I am sooooo coming back. I danced my ass off tonight, and I have pics, but my camera, UPS cable...no USB cable and camera are too far away from each other for me to show you.

Everybody who wished me a happy birthday yesterday...thank you!!!! I love you. If you don't read my blog, you don't know I thanked you. Too bad. So sad. Read my itshay!!

My mom called me today. June 7th. She pushed vagina and still missed it!!! She'd be morified that I told you that. She wants to be the perfect mom. Cuz lost a toenail dancing tonight.

I was surprised how many people called me. It was great. I'm loved. Yay!! And I got emails too. You know who you are. Thank you and SMOOCHES!!!!

She just said, "Food and TV are my sex". That's a real serious problem. I might need to leave the hotel room for a night or two. That's sad.

OK. I soo can't do this anymore.

I'll post pics when I'm less...um....f****D up!! It's my birthday and I'll be drunk if I want to. I have to work in the am at 6. Puerto Ricans can make the HELL out of a drink. Do you hear me??? They know how to do it down here. I'm having so much fun.

I danced my bootie off tonight. Did I tell you that already?

Hey, you know who, I lost count on my rum and Coke's tonight too. But I took a cab. Learn from the master. 151 Baby!!!

I'm going to bed. I have to work and act like a grown up tomorrow.

Let's not mention the fact that the man who signs my checks was sitting right next to me as I declared how fu**ed up I am. I love this job.

Bye now. Mañana.

Paz.

Dude!!! My Whole Blogger Thingy is in Español

¡Chévere! Bienvenidos a la primera edición de On Second Thought... de Puerto Rico.

OK. So that says welcome to the first edition of On Second Thought... from Puerto Rico. But I'm sure you figured that out. If you didn't, catch up. Or you'll be out of a job before too long.

I'm working way too hard in Borinquen, mis queridos. Have a look around the place:















Here's what I see right outside my patio door:















And here is evidence that I work WAY too hard:

My dad sent me a text message today asking if I get paid to vacation. Hey! This is no vacation. This is hard labor, I tell you. I'm sweating over here.

Hey! They were teaching a salsa lesson in the lobby. On 2!!! Sooo mambo and Soooo hot! I hope I don't keel over from all the work I'm doing.

Gotta run. Time to check out the nightlife! (um, then back to the grind?)

Getting My Groove On

I've been bitten anew by the salsa bug. I haven't danced regularly in years, but I went out Friday night and now it's all I want to do with my weekends. I'm about to go spend 3.5 hours in classes and then dance the rest of the night away. I'm obsessed. I even bought proper dance shoes yesterday.

I'm finally going to bite the bullet and start taking salsa on2 classes, New York-style salsa. I mostly dance Cuban-style salsa, Rueda de Casino.

I'm so out of shape, but hey, a girl has to start somewhere. Today I'll be dancing at a dance studio as opposed to a club so, at least I won't reek of smoke afterwards. That was the gross part of Friday night. I can stand the smoke in isolation at times, but smoke on top of me being sweaty and contributing my own funk is more than I can handle.

OK. Here's a little demonstration for your viewing pleasure.