What's Your Sign?

I have not had anything interesting to talk about recently. The problem isn't a dearth of ideas actually. It's that I can't really write about the stuff that's been on my mind. Get your filthy minds out of the gutter! I don't want to write about that. But I am avoiding a particular topic for the moment because I have to. It's times like this that make me wish this blog was anonymous.

So, I have to figure out how to think past the stuff that is really preoccupying my thoughts.

Oh, here's a subject: the Zodiac.

Hey, Girl. What's your sign?

I have recently become a little smitten with astrology. I'm still not sure what I really think about it all. For the majority of my life I was conditioned that astrology was akin to the Antichrist, that it was occultic. I was taught that I had to renounce my "spiritual ties" that were formed with "the dark side" as a result of merely reading my horoscope even once ever in life. I think I probably even got olive oil on my forehead over this one. Geez!! I can't believe I used to be that kind of Christian. It would be terribly hilarious to me if it weren't so ridiculous and so ridiculously prevalent. *Sigh*

Anyway, I'm really amazed by how squarely "on the head" the descriptions of Gemini hit it. I have read so much that is me to a T. [Long pause............ my ADD took me to google to find out where "to a T" came from. Nobody knows for sure, bottom line. Now on with the post.......] Sometimes the descriptions are even more accurate than I could have written myself, and I tend to be at the very least as introspective as the average bear.

I receive daily horoscope emails. What? Shut up! Your mama's pathetic!! [sticks out tongue] For about five or six days a couple of weeks ago, those things were so on it I had to forward them to a friend for an objective opinion. It was absolutely freaky. The horoscopes are the least intriguing part of the entire discipline. I'm much more amazed by how spot on the descriptions of each sign seem to be for me and for so many people I know. Of course there are many exceptions, but not enough to disqualify it for me just yet. There's something to. I may never put my finger on it, but there's something there. I may have to chalk it up to one of the many mysteries of the universe, but it's intriguing nonetheless.

So, do you know anything about astrology? What's your sign? Have you ever researched what astrologers say about your sign? Is it accurate? Close? Way off?

Never read about yourself and want to? Go here. I'm sure there are probably better sites. Let me know if you have one, but this will get you started.

Oh, and then there's the whole deal with compatibility and sexuality in this astrological light. Hmmm?

What do you guys think?

Let's Get Cookin'

I'm sure everyone has probably decided what they're cooking for Thursday, or at least how they're getting out of cooking. Congratulations and good eats! I'm making 2 kinds of cranberry sauce. One is pretty traditional, the other is spicy and involves port and pecans. It's a creation all my own. I'll let you know if I'm the only one who eats it. But, believe it or not, I'm on to Christmas.

Remember I said that I was going to give baked goods for gifts this year? Well, I went out yesterday just to peruse the retail world to see what non-food goodies caught my eye for the people I love the most. I've come to the conclusion, once again, that I love people way more than my bank account can support. So, I'm back to the baking idea. I hadn't abandoned it; I just thought that maybe I could throw in a few extras. Well, no! I can't.

So, off to Cakes Plus to pick up my special holiday kitchen essentials. I bought the cutest miniature tart pans and 6 inch spring-form cake pans. I also bought mini muffin tins and loaf pans and the best gift containers that can be kept and used over and over again. I had a blast and I'm going to have so much fun baking. I love to cook for people I love. I spent quite a bit of money, but it didn't come close to 1/3 of the price of just ONE of the gifts I'd love to be able to give this year. [Sigh] One year money will be no object for me at Christmastime. One day.

Anyways, do you want to know what I've decided on so far? I'll tell you, but first let me warn you...I don't like most things traditional and expected. So, no Christmas symbol shaped cut outs, no gingerbread men, and no boring sugar cookies. I'm sorry. If you were hoping to get any of those, please let me direct you to the refrigerated section of your local grocer. I'll bet you'll find what you need.

On to the list...

1. Cranberry-Orange Muffins (requested)
2. Italian Fig Cookies
3. Pistachio Lime Cookies
4. Dark Chocolate Chipotle Cookies (for a friend who loves that sweet/spicy combination, like me!)
   
5. Pecan-Praline Lace Cookies
   
6. Chocolate Hazelnut Tartlettes
7. Jam Thumbprints (because they're my favorites)
   
8. Nestle Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookies (because they're Santa's favorites)
   
9. Oatmeal Butterscotch Cookies (with and without pecans) (because they kick ass)
   
10. Mixed Fruit Tartlettes (I thought somebody requested these, and I think I know who, but I didn't see her comment at the old post. Maybe I'm imagining it. Speak up if you asked for this, otherwise somebody's gonna get them and be like, what the..?)
11. Oreo Cheesecake (requested)
    
12. The BEST Carrot Cake in the World (Nobody requested this, but it's the best, so somebody's gotta eat it. Besides, I've got to use that cute little pan for something.)

So that's what I'm thinking of so far. Not too many folks took me up on my solicitation of requests, so I hope you like what other people requested. Here's your last chance to either chime in on these, or let me know what else you like.

What do you think?

I'm excited to start. I might need to try out my tartlette pans with something extra for Thursday. We'll see.

Top 20 Things I Hate

I think people are often most easily defined by what they hate. I know that's a negative way to view the world, but it's true. What you hate tells me so much more about you than what you love. If you love cats, that's great, but you might love dogs too. If you tell me you HATE cats, I know where you stand...and since you're being so emphatic, if you hated dogs, you would have told me that too, in the same breath.

So, here's 20 tidbits about me. 20 things I HATE:

20. Funerals: There's no need for dead bodies to be on display. None. I think this is archaic and stupid. I hate the idea. I always have. I tolerate it for people I love, but no. We've evolved.

19. My period: No explanation needed.

18. Being manipulated: I need people to just shoot straight from the hip with me. I don't have time for mind games. Say, "I'm a selfish bastard and I just want this to go MY way!" I'll say it to YOU.

17. Missing the VERY beginning of a movie: This makes me so mad I want to spit nails. Then, I'm so pissed at whoever made me miss it, that I miss the next 10 minutes thinking of how much I hate them, and the next 20 trying to figure what the hell's going on. Movies must be seen from the opening credits. Otherwise, I don't want to watch. Period.

16. Cartoon Network: Hate it. Not even the old "good" cartoons are anything I want to see in my adult life. Ever. I don't even want the happy, fighting, ninja, shape-shifter, squarepants images flickering in the background while I'm doing something more...adult!

15. Men who come up BEHIND you to dance: WTF? I didn't grow up going to clubs and the like. I only go out dancing on occasion, and that's usually salsa. I like dancing where people are facing each other, where there's a lead and a follower. I don't like having crotch rubbed on my ass. (Not unless I asked you to.)

14. Chocolate and mint together: Who in the world thought this was a good idea??? The smells combined make me want to wretch. Yuk!! Somehow I brought myself to try a Thin Mint, you know, the Girl Scout cookie. It wasn't too bad. But Andes Candies and York Peppermint Patties are down the toilet with mint chocolate-chip ice cream.

13. Bugs: Duh?

12. Booger-eating (or snot-licking): Nothing will make me snatch your kid up quicker. This is disgusting. I have no tolerance for it. I will throw up in your child's lap. Trust. I can't even discuss adults who do it.

11. Crusty, cracked heels: Because there's NO reason for it. None.

10. Black and white TV and movies: Again, evolution.

9. Entitlement: In all its forms. I hate it in the corporate board room...I hate it among the indignant in social services offices.

8. Sunny Delight:Orange-milk!! Yuk. And the red is Blood-milk. Gross!

7. Hospital smell: See the thing about hospitals is that I can't help fixating on exactly what that combination of smells is comprised of. Is it blood, urine and tuna casserole? Is it feces, vomitus and chicken noodle soup? What is it?

6. Frilly head bands on bald baby girls: Look, your baby has no hair. The head band is to hold the hair (which your baby lacks) out of baby's face. It looks stupid. We know she's a girl by the matching dress that came with the head band. Lose it.

5. Asian mushrooms: I know most mushrooms are probably Asian, but I specifically mean the ones that look like little penis heads, pictured above.

4. House and Techno music: Just shoot me now and plan my body-less funeral...that you're all welcome to skip, by the way.

3. Liquid Medicine: I almost threw up in my lap on the way to work this morning because remnants of my liquid vitamin were still on my top lip. When I caught a whiff I got hot, started salivating profusely. I think I swallowed 97 times in 2 minutes to keep from throwing up down my shirt. What do women do when they have morning sickness? Drive in after they finish wretching?

2. Star Trek: Not even as background noise. I will awaken from the persistent vegetative state I've been in for 10 years to turn off Star Trek.

1. Assholes who mistreat other people: That just wraps up so much in a nutshell. I hate people who violate, abuse, take advantage of, manipulate, harass or are just generally mean to others. It's just wrong.

So, what about you? Make this a meme if you like. I won't tag anyone in particular, except Andy, but if you do post your top 20 or 5 or whatever, link back here so that we can all read them.

Have a great day!

Awake....Thinking of Christmas

I have joined the ranks of my most beloved insomniacs.

I planned to start going to the gym at 5:30am this week, but I can't fall asleep. I fell asleep at 3am yesterday, so the gym was out and I'm wide awake now at 1 am. I need to sleep so that I can get up early, but my body's not making the switch!!! I may just have to stay up all night so that I conk out at 9:30pm tomorrow to get on my new schedule.

Christmas shopping! I've been browsing Amazon.com tonight for good buys on gifts. I'm not in the mood for Black Friday or any day thereafter. But, I'm so amazingly frugal, that I can't bear that I know I can buy some of the gifts I have my eyes on for cheaper if I just go search out the bargain.

I'm off all next week. I'm going to buy my very first, very own Christmas tree. I'm really excited. There's no compromise. I get to buy what I want and I don't have to take anybody else into consideration... But then, there's Christmas morning. I have never, ever, ever awaken in an empty house on Christmas Day. I climbed into my mom and dad's bed to wake them up so that we could go downstairs and open presents every year of my life until I was 24!!! What am I going to do? I can't wake up alone in my apartment on Christmas morning. That's not going to work. I may have to go home and wake up with Mommy and Daddy like I did last year (except I was living there last year).

Tell me about your holiday doings? Do you shop early? Are you done? Waiting until Christmas eve? Don't do Christmas? Bah, Humbug? Open gifts on 24th pm? 25th am? Read The Night Before Christmas? Luke 2? Egg nog? Hot buttered rum? Cider? Secret Santa? Buy for the whole family? I want to hear it all. So tell me already!

Here are some things I expect to see every Christmas morning.




My folks always make a huge fruit basket, always while we're sleeping, always with a pineapple in the middle, all kinds of nuts, tangerines and Christmas candies...especially red and green peanut M&Ms, the house favorite. And there's always, always a poinsettia. Even with the dogs. That's a myth.

More questions: Did you believe in Santa? Do you still? Was he taboo? A sin? Satan? Do you let your kids have Santa? My friend's 4 year old still calls him "the boy". She has no idea who he is. Not because my friend is withholding him...she's just trying to buy as much time as she possibly can. I think the cat's outta the bag this year...at least if I have anything to do with it.

Latkes!! I associate those with Christmas too, although I know they're Jewish, so that's just wrong. I love them. This came from celebrating all of the winter holidays with my students when I taught 1st and 2nd grade. I love all the traditions. Anybody know how to play Dradle? What about the words to the song?

Cannabis

When I was in 5th grade we had a subsitute teacher named Mr. Cannabis. Now, I can't tell you if that's how he spelled his name or not, but I do remember that that was his name. I also remember that none of us ever noticed that at the time.

...Like my dad. He was walking around sporting this brand new belt he'd bought himself. He was proud of the great buy (like 5 bucks or something), but the buckle was a big ol' weed leaf!! Straight cannabis! My dad is an HR director for a swanky retirement community, people!! Here went our conversation:

Dad, do you know what that is on your belt buckle?

Huh? I don't know. I just needed a new belt, so I bought this one.

Dad, it's weed!! (Doubling over laughing at this point as I realize he really has no clue.)

Oh, well, I didn't know.

Obviously. I need you to get another belt. You can't be walking around with weed on your belt.


I then took him to my laptop and Google Imaged "cannabis" so that he could see for himself. He seemed like he still needed convincing.

Fast forward to Monday...

I went to meet him at his job for lunch. He has 200 employees where he works, many of them are young...and know what the hell weed is when they see it. I looked down at his belt buckle and there was a hole where the weed emblem used to screw in.

So, I see you got rid of the weed leaf?

Yeah, all the young kids were comin' up to me, giving me five and winking at me, going, "Yeah, Mr. F."

I'm glad you got rid of it.

Mental note: Daddy needs a belt for Christmas.

Nothing Important

So, today...

1. I am so glad so many people went to the polls Tuesday. I don't care about the results (at least not in a way I want to talk about here) but I'm glad so many Americans participated. Yay, Us!!

2. I'm breaking out in hives again. At first I thought I had connected it to stress, but now I'm thinking it's the combination of stress and caffeine that does me in. Coffee is evil. Drink green tea! The hives were so bad I scratched my left butt cheek raw and have skin peeling from it. TMI, I know. But I need you to feel my pain.

3. I really like red wine. I wasn't much of a connoisseur before, but I'm getting better at picking good ones. I bought the $19 Chianti at this St. Louis hotel, because it's the cheapest. I'd rather drink communion wine, I think. Bottoms up, though!

4. www.dictionary.com is my friend. Spell check in Blogger sucks butt.

5. I want to click my heals 3 times and make my hotel bed teleport to my apartment. I wish it were home...I wish it were home....I wish it were home.

6. I'm studying for the LSAT. I take it in February. I think I finally know what I want to be when I grow up.

7. I am feeling a lot better recently about where I am in figuring out my whole faith thingy. Check out Unpacking Faith for updates. Shameless plug, I know, for my other neglected blog.

8. I have met some really great people this year in Blogdom. I used to think people with "computer friends" were whacko. Maybe they are. Maybe I am!

9. The holidays are coming! Yay! I don't really know what I'm so excited about. There's bound to be family drama where one person, or several, will avoid the gathering because someone else, or some issue, will be present. I think I've done the best job of pissing off the fam this year. Maybe I should be the one to sit it out. Meh, probably not. Why is it that I enjoy the holidays again?

10. Anybody have any exceptional cookie recipes? I've got the Toll House one. Thanks.

11. I'm not feeling St. Louis. What's with all the grillz? I thought I was in the ATL or something. The funny thing is one of these dudes with a grill brought me my wine last night and had a completely intelligent conversation with me about wine. Why did he have to have gold on all 8 of his teeth?

Let's Vote Already

I am so sick of campaign commercials. I can't wait for Tuesday at 8pm when the polls are closed finally, and the results start to roll in.

I am absolutely addicted to historical turning points. I watched the news for 3 days when September 11th happened; stayed up all night long to watch the Dubya Florida mess; and although I will be in St. Louis the night the election results roll in (and therefore unable to catch things from my local news perspective) I will still be glued to the tube to see how things turn out.

But I'm tired of the campaigning already.

Everyone's going to vote on Tuesday, right?

Writer's Block....Help!!! I WILL BE UPDATING FREQUENTLY

All of my brain power is going towards mulling over a really, really difficult decision. I'm not feeling funny, witty or even sarcastic or cynical. That SUCKS!!! I feel like I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions, trying to make ends meet and that's sucking too.

So, would you help me lighten it up a bit? I'm sure I have something Lexish to say about something, but I'm at a loss. Prime the pump for me, eh? Suggest things in my comments for me to sound off about. Or otherwise, just tell me something funny to lighten up my mood. I'm doing too many grown-up things right now. And that's no fun!!

UPDATES:

Christina has shaken me out of my funk already. Read her comment to this post.

Here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to add the ideas that are suggested here in the post so that you don't kill yourself reading through the comments.

1. Ladies, (or guys) what do you think about dating younger men? I mean really younger ones? I've been thinking about this as I approach that 38-40 something prime time we're supposed to go through? Thoughts? Any anecdotes on what happens to a woman's labido at that magical time?