8 to 80, Blind, Cockeyed or Crazy

Warning: If you are PC sensitive, skip this post….cuz it’s not.

There comes a time in every woman’s life when she needs to be reminded that she still has it. This week has be a week of reminders for me. I am the heaviest I have ever been in life, am experiencing the freedom of not putting on make up or doing my hair just right every day and actually loving life. I am probably far from what many would have considered my “best” in terms of my physical appearance, but I’ve still got it!!!

Man, the heads that have been turned this week. OK, I’ve yet to find the 8 year old with a crush…but let me tell you about the other ones.

Apparently I seem to turn the heads of 80 year-old, hairless, toothless, old white men in Wal-mart. Yeah Doggie!!! That’s right. They’re following me around the store and stopping in my aisle just to take it all in. Watch it guys. Don’t want to set off those pace-makers. Down, boys. Don’t hurt yourselves.

And then there’s the cross-eyed Rainman working in Bradford’s Fish Market. He damn near drooled on his shoes! Couldn’t take his eyes off of me (all tangled up or not), poor thing. I see you checking me out baby. Don’t hurt yourself. Pick up that fish you just dropped on the floor now. Can’t have you losing your job now, can we?

And, just in case any doubts remained about the effectiveness of my feminine wiles, there was Walter. Gotta love him. He’s Tania’s birth father. Crazy as hell and she wouldn’t mind me saying so. Vietnam vet who just hasn’t been able to keep up with the times. He is high as the sky, skinny as a rail, and crazy as hell (oh, I said that already.) Well he was smitten. Told me that I’m just his siiiize of woman. “Jack Sprat could eat no fat, baby don’t eat no lean!” Check me out! Admire the eloquence I inspire, ladies. Reciting me original poetry and all. I still got it!!!

Whoever coined the phrase “8 to 80, blind, cockeyed or crazy” must have had me in mind, cuz I’m turning heads on my vacation.

Don’t be too jealous, girls. I know they are a prized few, but there are still enough to share.

Here’s to finding the admirers necessary to stroke that ego right back into shape. Oh YEAH!!!!

(Can you hear the country accent that’s rubbing off on me?)