Annoyed, Angry and ... Homeless!!!!
I am absolutely annoyed right now. Annoyed and angry. Probably to the point that I shouldn't be writing a post for fear of having to go back and delete it later. But, I've taken a hiatus from my journals right now, so this will have to do. Damn. I should have done this blog anonymously...oh well, too late!
I just got news that I need to move again. This will be my FOURTH move since I separated from my husband in April '05, and it just throws all the ugliness of this whole stupid divorce right back in my face. Don't you hate that? One minute you're sailing along in life honkey-dorey and then, wham! You get slammed with all the crap you've been trying to shove to the corners of your mind, with some success frankly. Well, here I am at my wham.
I've had a great living situation since January. I rent a basement apartment at a rate you wouldn't believe, but, against my better judgment, I rented the place without a formal lease. Only a verbal agreement of 30 days notice, at the will of either party. Well, I'm on the short end of that notice. The owners have let me know that they want to use the space again and that we will talk about a move out date this weekend. That's fine. It's their place. There's no lease. What am I gonna do? No need getting too bothered, all good things must come to an end. But I am bothered...
I'm bothered because I suspect that there is more to the story than I'm being told, and I don't ever expect to hear the whole story honestly. I'm bothered because my ex still lives in the house we bought with only MY name on the mortgage. Him living there isn't the problem, I couldn't stay in that house another second. The problem is that he pays the mortgage when he gets good and ready. And guess whose credit rating bites the f- - -king dust month by month as he screws me financially (I'm sure to his immense pleasure)? And for the 9 millionth time: NO! There's not a damn thing I can do about it until one year from my separation date. (Yeah, it was April, but I lost my mind for a second back in October, so the clock started over). Maryland is the worst state to get a divorce in!!! Hear me people. Divorce elsewhere!!!
Furthermore, my do-gooder, tree-hugging, save the world heart has me in a job making far less money than I'm worth, for the sake of "making a difference in the world" and "doing something that matters." Screw doing something that matters right now!!! It's expensive as hell to live alone in the Washington, DC area. I want peace and quite and to be able to walk around my house naked...so I'm not the best candidate for a roommate. I've considered all that I can sell and what I can use that money to pay off to be able get enough wiggle room in the budget to afford the huge rent rate hike that's coming like gangbusters, and while I know that this is just life...it sucks butt right now!
I've already e-mailed 2 former employers to try to lock down a part-time gig (which will surely blow my fitness schedule to ashes), put feelers out for a potential roommate (who won't be offended or turned on by my nakedness), called daddy to find out what if anything can be done with this credit situation of mine, searched for apartments without roaches, rats, robbers or rapists, cried about 3 tears (cuz, that's all I'm willing to give to this shit anymore), and I still don't feel any better.
Nothing like the threat of homelessness to light a fire under one's ass, huh? I've been meaning to look into what I want to do with the rest of my life as I face being alone in this big bad world, having to solely provide my own roof, food, shelter, clothing, entertainment, gas, loan repayments, and the like. I hate that I "shared" my life with someone for so long. It has been so debilitating. I lived at home until I got married (at 25), commuted for college, and this last year has been the only time I've been on my own and completely responsible for myself, ever! It's hard. I'm a late bloomer, I know, and learning life lessons all at once. But I need something to give.
OK. I'm done complaining for the night. I think.
Have a better night than me, please!!
10 comments:
Well I've been there, no really I have. Been given notice to move got it extended and credit shot to hell because Southern Management screwed us over. Well it was a faith moment and all I could do was cry out to God. Since then I've come up with a saying that gets me through. Nothing surprises God, nothing. Not even unexplained and unwanted changes. So don't give up now, hang in there, everything is gonna be alright.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. I wish the best with everything.
I am angry too! That was the "spot"!! Where do we go now?!?!? I feel like my favorite club just got shut down! Not that I go clubbing anymore....ehhh... you get my drift. I am still working on getting things straightened out to see if we could be potential roomies. I will let you know soon. Until then, my thoughts and prayers are with you! Hey, we could always egg them once you move out! LOL. Ok, naw, that would be mean...unless you are down?!?!?!
I'm in for the egging--I'll even bring shaving cream and TP
ok ladies no egging, tissue rolling is much funner
hey lexi, it's shanada again. i'm becoming a regular. so, i'm going through the exact same thing. not necessarily with being evicted, but feeling like i'm homeless. i mean, i come back here for breaks and i live in this family's house. yeah sure they're my family, but it doesn't feel like it anymore. it's like living in a hotel full of animosity. when i'm at school, i know i'm not at home. in fact, i know i don't fit in at all. i'm a totally outsider! i hate it! but, you know what, i'm sure this is something we're going to have to go through in order to become the incredibly sexy women we'll be in a few years. God lets us go through crap sometimes. don't know why, but He sees fit, so i just try to suck it up and go through it with as few tears as possible. if you wanna vent, gimme a call. i'm down with getting out frustration. love you girl!
shanada ;-)
Hey I know how your feeling. After alot of drama with my living arrangements on campus me and 2 of my friends decided that we would try the off campus living thing. Well after searching for about a month for a 3bedroom house/apartment we finally found something that suited out taste as well as our budget.
It was in a fairly decent neighborhood (mind you this is in baltimore city). So we began the rental procedure and had to deal with one of the most ghetto real estate agencies i've ever heard of. After alot of drama we were finally able to move in. After moving in we realized we got ourselves into a very f'ed up situation.
Our landlord was a slumlord we would call her and ask for repairs to be made only to have our phone calls ignored and our repairs not made. So after about 3 weeks of unawnsered phone calls and no response to our messages when it came time for the rent to be paid we did exactly what our slumlord did we didnt awnser any phone calls and we didnt pay our rent until we were good and ready.
But to make a long sad story short we came to a mutal decision to break our lease and move out. So as of July 15 I am now homeless. Of course i can stay with the parental figures but after a few hours i be ready to go jump off the New Woodrow Wilson bridge. So now we have to start ALL over again with the house hunting. And living on campus is a definite NEGATIVE!!!! Not becasue i dont want to but because its 2 late.
I wish your good luck in your apartment hunt. I hope everything goes well. And a little piece of advice that I had to learn the hard way GET EVERYTHING IN WRITING!!!!
Oh no! Hush. Life can be so darn tough! We all have those times when we feel like every dam thing is going against us. Never mind dear.
Life has unexpected turns, but they are all for a reason. As Tupac said-make that dollar outta fifteen cents and keep your head up.
@ Kwesi
Thanks so much for your support. I know you are praying. I need you to work on praying up the new job to pay for the place now. OK?
@ Fresh
Thanks for the support! See, my life sucks too.
@ KMF
The new spot will have to be the hang out spot as well. I would miss you all terribly if that weren’t the case. On the rest of that comment….no words!
@ Shellie and Anonymous1
No words for you either!!
@ opinion
I’m glad you’re reading. There is nothing more essential to life than a feeling of home. I do believe that home may not be a physical location always, but it’s a must for peace. I hope you find home. I love you to pieces!!
@ Anonymous2
Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so sorry and I hope you guys find a place soon. That just sucks. Thanks for the piece of advice. I too have learned it the hard way.
@ Gela
I know. Some days life is all lemons. I’m finding that things generally tend to turn around quickly though. This has been motivation to get it into gear in a few areas of my life. Thanks for the support and for stopping in.
@ Anonymous3
I’m trying. I’m trying. Thanks!
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